on knowing better

"I learned to value only that which truly activates what is in my heart. I came to value those experiences which activate my heart as it really is. I sought, more and more, only those experiences which have the capacity, the depth, to activate the feeling that is my real feeling, in my true childish heart. And I learned, slowly, to make things which are of that nature."

(Christopher Alexander, The Nature of Order: The Luminous Ground)

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Going through old photos always makes me nostalgic, giving the impression that these past moments held simpler times. But I know better—every season has its own worries, frustrations, and joys.

This is from a January, years and years ago, reminding me of all that can happen in over a 1,000 days. It was a year of change, and in retrospect, I was carried along by a tide I never could have foreseen. It was the beginning of much and I felt myself like a natural growth in the sea, rooted to sturdy rock, but cast about, tossed in unruly waters.