Untouchable

This is something I wrote a handful of months ago, back during that season of silence, and I think its time to expose it to a few thoughtful critiques. What do you think?

---

She had thought that their relationship would keep itself
and twenty years of forgiven fights
would stay the course of trust,
directing love to cover—not uncover—
the words she had hated, yet stumbled,
to say.

Now, she explores the wreck of what was
once a love untouchable,
remembering late-night laughter and
the hundred stories whispered in
dark corners of bunk beds,
shrieks of shared joy muffled
between pillows and sheets.

The damage uncontained,
for her words had not fallen
among sunflowers, but were planted
in a field of buried mines.
“I will pay my debt with silence,” she thinks,
knowing now, that a pound of flesh may
have hurt less, and that the
words she spoke, can never be
taken back.

Comments

  1. I'm not sure how the pound of flesh works in with the silence, etc.

    Also, I'm not sure if I should have picked up on what the words were that she hated, yet stumbled, to stay.

    I like though.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks, Mat!
    I was purposefully unclear about the words she said, but perhaps I should re-think that...and rework the pound of flesh bit.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well, if it's supposed to be unclear, let it be unclear. There's nothing wrong with leaving an open question.

    ReplyDelete

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